Pent up screams !!!

Ok suddenly since the last few days my morale has been going down even though all the right things have been happening!!! I mean I am having a good time in the office … the work is good and I am doing well … my MBA is coming up and I am excited about getting started with it. Also I am earning to buy that bike I have been thinking about for some time … but some thing seems to be eating me away for sometime … Whenever I am happy I feel like drawing or something and recently I haven’t touched any of my art work !!! Some awesome art work has been pending cos I cant get myself to get towards it. I think it’s the fact that maybe I am not happy!!! Something is missing …I have touched my console since the day I played in that party!! and I just feel like getting out of this country maybe its cos I don’t have any friends and i am tired of hanging out with my parents … not that I don’t like it its just I am bored of listening about how I have to handle my future and how I should invest and what is right and what is wrong and why I am not getting a raise at work and why why why ….. !!!! its driving me nuts I wish there was some way I could vent all of this. I think about the days in Bangalore my place was always filled with people!!! Someone was always coming and going!!! And now I haven’t seen a single new person or met anyone new except my parents and my office people!!! I mean they are all very nice and stuff but this monotonous life is killing me …. There is nothing to do!!And being surrounded by two countries where one side the US is creating havoc and the other side you cant enter!! Its like being trapped from both sides cos even I want to travel … and the only bloody traveling I do is to the office and back … I thought that on the weekend I could go away somewhere!!! All this place has is malls and more malls …. And God knows how many Starbucks are there here !!! I am slowly but steadily losing it !!!

I hate this place but I have to stay!!!!! I need help …. Right now all that can save me maybe is a phone call!!! I just need to run away!!!or maybe even an email !!!

The Taxi Driver

Well I had a very lazy weekend when I decide to write this blog… I actually decided to pen it down cos I was returning late at night after a party and the taxi driver proved to be an awesome source of information and I have decided to write this blog about him .......
When I entered the cab and after the usual directions given we both started talking. Usually I don’t talk but the taxi driver insisted on talking so I joined in .He told me he was from Syria and that he was a teacher. My first reaction was so why the fuck r u driving a taxi. He told me he taught physical education in Kuwait in a special school. Which I gather must mean a school for children with special needs. Then he continued by saying that since the salary wasn’t good he quit and got himself 3 cars and converted them to taxis. I asked did he miss his previous life. His answer gave such insight that I decided to write this down. He said he had been working under a manager most of his life. He wanted to be free. With the taxis he earns well. And he is free. I didn’t understand and I guess it registered on my face. So he opened his glove compartment and showed me his passport and visas and stuff he’s like whenever I feel like I travel. No one to stop me or question me. I just get some money and travel to Syria whenever I feel like. I know this doesn’t sound a lot to others but I was impressed. Being an engineer and more educated and stuff I never had the guts to do something like this. I guess the more we r taught the more we need the necessity of a security blanket. I mean look at this guy he earns more than me and has to answer to no one. And in general is damn happy. And while getting out of the cab he said something which I have heard always here and there but somehow I knew he meant it cos he said “Do whatever makes u happy and the rest will follow”.

सोच और खोज

Well let’s get it started I have a very bad habit …. I lose interest. I become bored. I mean lose interest in everything eventually … except for a few minor things but yes I do lose interest fast and maybe it is my inability to commit to something… …..4 jobs in 2 years though I am sticking to the present one( parental pressure and emotional blackmail)…. Now when the word commit comes forward no one actually goes ahead and tells me that being the bum I am I cant commit to anything ….. People around me tend to think I can’t stick to anything …..Trust me I want to but due to some circumstances and also to excel more and more has refrained me from doing so. I guess that’s the reason why my most of my girlfriends break up with me…….. I mean I know have commitment issues … but the problem is that they are never ready to go on for some time they want an assurance that they will eventually get married …….come on people …. I mean what the hell should I do … I mean I keep telling them lets try this out for some time before jumping to any conclusions or decisions…. My last girlfriend (name withheld) was so hung on the fact that she eventually wanted to get married that even I went along … I didn’t mind I mean told her why not maybe somewhere down the line hell I even pushed it ahead……. but then one night I had a huge panic attack and after witnessing a domestic disturbance I was not so keen on the idea … so I jus called her and said maybe the marriage things is not a great idea and maybe we should be happy right now rather than thinking about the future and all that I mean we have a lot of time on our hands…. First she sends me a mail detailing of what I have done wrong with her she goes ahead and tells me we should break up … I was like fine.. Ok( Now she wants to get back together again !!!) … I don’t get girls well I get some of them but most of them drive me nuts … I know a few friends who got married really early... I mean they were in love and I respect that and all that ….Just that I mean come on go out discover the world there is so much possibility out there I understand that u were college and school sweethearts and all but what the hell think out of the box go meet new people get a broader perspective on things…I mean u can always come back to what you want … but in the process of reaching there u might find something better and this is not only for relationships its for a lot of other things …life is a learning graph which has to be climbed I mean every girl I have dated I have learnt something new ….or she has learnt something new as well …well not only for me but for many others !!! I know this sounds wrong to all the purists but u know how that works..!!! I mean I know its ok to love and be loved but why settle for something less than what you deserve …along the way u will see the breakups and the fights and the usual nakhras and things and they actually go a certain step ahead in preparing you for a much fuller and satisfying relationship …. I mean if u do decide to go ahead with your relation the old one then shouldn’t you know more about each other and trust me in college or in school u never know what it is .. I mean meet for a few hours a day u talk blah blah ….. and the usual go to the coffee place for a drink talk blah blah and then u have a fight about what u should wear and why u not going on the weekend together and all that most of the relations I know sour by the end of college and usually end after both of then have settled down somewhere else but yes not all is lost in these relations u might crib about it but then there are people who have had a very healthy relation due to this ….. I mean also there are pros and cons in everything!!! so yaa there u have it the most weirdest blog I have written cos I really couldn’t see a few of my friends grinding their asses sticking to their gfs from college and school and coming every weekend telling me why I don’t “settle” down and then expect me to stuck to the same girl … I am 24 its time for me to enjoy life … I mean I don’t cheat when I am dating a certain person but then I don’t see the reason that why I should invest time money and my emotions on something which might not even work out in the end !!!! and I don’t believe in dragging something which will eventually end in a very bad way…. I hate it when friends of mine come and crib that everything is not going well …. That relationship is really difficult and blah blah !!! Besides the usual its gonna be ok and all that what I really wanna tell them is listen man “DON’T CRIB “ either figure it out and try to make it work or just move on no amount of cribbing will help you out !!! …. Anyway my final words are people when it comes to relationships and something which I am trying to follow from now onwards is “Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach.”