hugs and cookie boxes

Well I never disliked anyone in my life and I when I did I made sure the person felt I can never hide my emotions and somehow according to a lot of people that is a sign of weakness which I somehow don't seem to believe !!! I mean spread the love and if u can't then don't give false notions about it!!!!.... Hmm well coming back to what I actually thought!!!... Well hmm so it goes this way when I was young I had gone to SANA it's a clothing store and there my dad was buying some stuff when I went off in my own direction and ended up in the lingerie section (don't ask how but somehow I always ended up there) now the details are hazy in my head cos it was such a long time ago!! And there I saw this Pakistani guy who was looking around and when he saw he asked "r u lost??"... I said "my dads around ".That's when he held my hand and started rubbing himself against me … I never told this story to anyone and I was shocked like hell and with all the energy I could muster up I punched him where it really hurts and ran and eventually found my dad and by the time my dad understood and started chasing him he was long gone!!!!!Well it was such a long time ago,that I had forgotten and have no such hate for any Pakistanis as such… Actually I always thought they were a part of us cos I never realized how much they are hated by Indians until I went to India and actually saw the amount of hatred people have against them and even though living in India I just couldn't find myself to hate them or u know share the feelings shared my countrymen ( though during an INDO-PAK match I was all the Indian I could be) …. The thing is well this story is not about the INDO-PAK relations or that damn bus … It's about me and the cookie box …. From the time I was kid I can never forget Mushtaq uncle I think there is not a time that I am home and he hasn't come to see me … a very religious man he has a mark on his
forehead which is due the many times he bends down to pray everyday touching his forehead on the ground...... and his son who was pretty young chap donated one of his kidneys to save his uncle not even his father….. I know that there are some huge sacrifices done by others but some how this is one of the biggest one I have seen and to me the way he has taught his son to be man shows what a great human being he is …. Mushtaq uncle is Pakistani by the way and he's like a shorter version of Santa Claus … Now u must be wondering where the hell the cookie box fits in!!! Well every time he comes home he gets a cookie box. And I love them only when he gets them every vacation I have been home I used to look forward to his visits!!!! and this time when I reached home I told mom that he's gonna come and gonna get cookies andmy mom was like you should grow up and I was like no he's gonna get it and he did and I made of rubbing it into my moms face I told her hahahahah … and ate the whole box even though my mom was not very happy about that fact.... And "The Hug" oh my god its one of the warmest hugs on earth even when I had gone meet him after he was admitted in a hospital he didn't shy from giving one his bear hugs ….I just love every thing about him ….. So why do I mention about him and the cookie box today well yesterday he called me and u know I have been in Kuwait for sometime alone and he called and the first thing he asked was did u eat dinner ???….I mean that was not only touching for the fact that it was Mushtaq Uncle but the fact that even though there are so many friends of my dad he was the only one who called and asked if I needed anything at all I could just call him ….that means more tome than anything else … more than a persons nationality …!!!!

lonely in the desert

All people are scared …scared of something or the else and whoever tells u otherwise is lying ….. People are scared of darkness, of snakes; of dying ….something or the else …u get the picture ….. I am scared of being lonely …. So much that there is very few times that I have had a meal alone in my life till date…. Being alone turns me off and the last few days haven’t been a ball!! Yaa I am writing this down cos I have been alone for the last week and I don’t mean alone as in at home alone or something … stuck in this country all alone….I grew up in this country but none of the people whom I knew are still here !! I mean they have either moved out or r in India. And I hated growing up here. So much that I don’t have any memories except for a few and they are the worst of them so they are etched into my memory .But India now that’s a place I truly call home where everyone is not the best but u can at least talk and make people understand you.And the food….!!! I don’t like cribbing but when you come home and know there is no one waiting that is the worst feeling of your life. I actually love going to work cos I can talk to people. At home I haven’t heard my own voice in days the only sound is the music or the typing and with the internet fucked up … well my parents are in India and me here with no one else. All my clothes are washed and ironed, my room is meticulously clean, all the dishes done and I have finished The Fountainhead and The Godfather twice which is not bad. Well actually I am doing what my dad always wanted me to do though not approvingly .I am facing my fears!!!! What to say I am alone at home drinking Perrier and thinking what to do next . كسؤمك

a books cover

Ok now I don't know how to put this into words but somehow this emotion which I felt I thought should be felt by others and maybe they won't repeat the same mistake. Well it started something like people who have been in touch know where I am working and all so usually I take a lunch break say around 1 in the afternoon . Now my office is in the basement and I hate eating the dining space because it's so suffocating and dark and so not me and since being the foodie I am I try to get out sit and enjoy my meal. There is a restaurant nearby but since I have been on a diet (God knows which time this is) I went out and sat on this construction site which was taking place near our office. I guess its an extension of our office. Also the view while sitting there is awesome cos u can see a huge horizon with only the desert and the cold wind blowing on your face. Plus listening to my ipod and playing was Above and Beyond (Anjuna Beats) – the Goa set which was played on new years in India for the Sunburn festival. Well in short I was in my own island of peace & serenity, in the process secluding me from the din of the computer, printers and the Xerox machines. While I was enjoying my lunch which considered of an apple and a juice I felt a rumble and looked up to see a station wagon pulling up. So what but this one I think had actually been a part of the onslaught of the American soldiers into Iraq. I wouldn't be caught dead in that vehicle but it kept pulling up and obstructed my view ……..Damn!!! And the captain of this magnificent ship resembled captain Hook himself I mean he was tattered and shabby and sported stubble which might have been around 4 to 5 days old with a thin film of cement covering all his clothes. It was like he had walked out from a flour mill. And me in my best suit perfectly ironed to impress my client gave him the dirtiest stare I could muster which meant "stay away or else ….." And by the time he stopped the car, opened the door and walked out I was getting cozy with my apple and juice and drifted back to "la la land". But that day wasn't meant to be on my terms. A huge shadow as cast and I looked up to see the guy looking at me and mumbling some thing. In my mind I thought" Oh man now what does he want?" So reluctantly and internally damning this man to hell I removed and separated my self from my music and asked him in my best gruff voice I could as to what the problem was? And then he did something I never expected him to do. He smiled and said "Roti kahenge aap ?" which means "would you like to share my meal?" (for my Hindi impaired friends).I was shocked and ashamed. I guess he didn't like me sitting and eating an apple or my size just made him think I would remain hungry on an apple and juice but I accepted and said "Kyon nahin !!" which means "Why not!!". And there as I sat eating some dal which I never had the guts to ask him what it was with warm roti's in the biting cold here the view just didn't matter more. I actually couldn't say it to him but I guess he understood. I guess all he wanted was someone to share his food. The guilt which stayed with me stayed for a few days till I met him again and although it was the same him with his usual nonchalant attitude I just realized how someone who worked on the roof of my office building taught me how not judge a book by its cover.